Are You Hot Enough?

Finding one’s soul mate is a subject very dear to me as I believe everyone deserves to find the “lid” for their “pot”. In fact, my empathy runs so deep that I even wanted to start my own dating business a number of years ago and still sometimes entertain the idea of working in a field that brings lonely hearts together. So when I heard of a new online dating site today, my interest was indeed piqued.

It’s called HotEnough.org and purports to fill a void in the industry by showcasing “attractive, fit singles” in an “above average dating pool” who are selectively screened and voted on (based on looks) by other members to gain access to the club.

On the surface, this may sound like a crass and superficial alternative to the dating scene and one to be eschewed by deeper-feeling singletons. But when you think about it, it only emphasizes the fact that our dating requirements are as varied as our personalities. It’s no secret that there are shallow, superficial people out there. Let them have a forum to search for their version of a soul mate. It will free up your time to look for people of substance on some of the other sites without having to wade through the shallow waters of this supposedly more attractive dating pool.

It’s a win-win situation!

The Flight of Your Life

A First Class passenger on a British Airways flight from Delhi to London was awakened by a disturbance caused by cabin crew placing a corpse in a seat at the end of his row.

Yes, a corpse.

The passenger awoke without any clue as to what was going on and noticed a woman looking quite “ill” and slipping under the seat belt from the motion of the plane. It was only when he asked the cabin crew what had happened that he was told she was dead. Apparently, there was no room in economy class (no surprise) for the body so she was “upgraded” to First Class. (If you’ve got to go, it may as well be in style!)

As if that wasn’t disturbing enough, the passenger spent the rest of the flight subjected to the “wailing” of the woman’s bereaved daughter in what he described as an “intense, primal” sound.

I know it must have been very upsetting and shocking to the relatives of the deceased, and the passenger tried to tolerate the “wailing” as long as he could (even using earplugs), but when he asked staff if something could be done he was told that he should “get over it” and that he would not be compensated.

I’m not sure how I would react. I consider myself to be a sensitive fellow but I think the experience would have been more than a little disturbing. Maybe I would have tried to console the daughter in an effort to calm her down.

On the other hand I think the airline’s reaction was reprehensible. They were the ones that had no procedure for handling this event and they expect their passengers to suffer. And before you say that no one could have foreseen this happening, bear in mind that Singapore Airlines has something called a “Corpse Cupboard” for just such an emergency. (Just how often are people dropping dead on these flights, anyway?!?) So next time you’re looking for a place to stow that oversized piece of luggage you smuggled on board, I’d think very carefully before opening any doors…

The end is nigh...

I know I said this wasn’t going to be an American Idol-focused blog but some new information has come to my attention.

You probably know that the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are traditionally named Pestilence, War, Famine and Death. But what you may not know is that riding behind them, on a decidedly sickly mule, is the fifth horsemen known only as Sanjaya. After much research, I have found that the reason this horseman rides behind the others is that he is weighed down by the rather hefty horseshoe sticking out of his bottom.

This can be the only explanation of why Sanjaya, He of the Feminine Mane, has managed to survive yet another week of elimination on American Idol and is a sure sign that the end of the world is near. Hold your loved ones close for He still lurks out there…

Who is The Geeky Cat?

In my haste to launch The Tales of The Lone Monkey, I left my personal information purposely sparse. I figured that you, the reader, would come to learn the pertinent facts as and when circumstances dictated. But after yesterday’s entry, I realized that I’d left out one very important part of my life: The Geeky Cat. She is also known as Diana and in the past year and a half she has become more important to me than I ever thought a person could be.

Don't worry; this won’t turn into a Harlequin Romance blog, replete with heaving bosoms and burning passions. But it would be impossible for me to talk about life, the universe and everything without referencing her because that is what she is to me.

Walking the Geeky Cat

Since I've known The Geeky Cat, she has opened my eyes to many wonderful neighbourhoods in our city that I had been taking for granted. Toronto is a multicultural, multi-layered city with rich history oozing out of its foundations.

Today we took advantage of the very early Spring-like weather to stroll through High Park, wading through “rivers” of melting snow and observing wildlife of both human and non-human varieties.

From there we walked along the lake shore (surprisingly empty for such a mild day) where the last remnants of the winter chill succumbed to the relative warmth of the March sunshine, leaving only a few icy monuments of proof.

We wended our way up Roncesvalles, an area I’d driven through but never walked, where we marveled at the many unique shops and restaurants, vowing to return when our appetites and desires were more cooperative.

Though there were many cafes to choose from, we settled on the more familiar and reliable Timothy’s where we rejuvenated our energy, ensconced in the plush comfy chairs, while munching on gingerbread monkeys (doesn't everyone know about gingerbread monkeys?).


Satisfied with our adventure, we headed home. There is so much to explore in this city and I am ever grateful that my Geeky Cat is able to share these wonders with me.

Is "Lost" lost?

I confess that when the passengers of Oceanic Flight 815 first crashed onto the beaches of the mysterious island, I was completely plugged into their plight and was intrigued by their individual histories. Weekly, I perched on the edge of my seat with the rest of the world, waiting to see what secrets lay behind the hatch door; to catch a glimpse of the monster rustling in the shadows of the jungle; and to discover just exactly who “The Others” were.

But now, as each new episode airs, I meet it with an ennui I haven’t felt since the final convoluted days of The X Files – a show that became so mired in its own mythology that it simply imploded.

Despite the claims of the Lost’s producers that they have an endgame cunningly planned out, it feels distinctly as if they are making up the story as they go, adding new characters each time an actor’s off-set antics requires their on-screen persona be killed off. The back-stories that once fleshed out a character’s present situation and advanced the narrative now seem like plot-diverting filler. There are still the odd hooks here and there but I get the distinct impression that we are taking one step forward and two steps back, toward a conclusion that I care less and less about each week.

Will I hang in? Probably. At least until the island residents have to play a life-or-death basketball game against the Harlem Globetrotters.

The Vasectomy That Saved The World

Finally saw An Inconvenient Truth the other day. A lot of startling images and facts provoked just the right amount of thought. Whether you believe that humankind is at least partly responsible for the current environmental crisis or not, it’s undeniable that there are scary things afoot.

One of the most disturbing facts was that since 1950, the world’s population has grown from 2.5 billion to roughly 6.5 billion. It is projected that by 2050, the population will have risen to a staggering 9.1 billion! If carbon dioxide is a major contributor to global warming and human beings are notorious for spewing forth CO2, what will this increased output do to an already ailing environment?

With that in mind, I feel quite proud that I am doing my part to save the planet. Before “global warming” had even entered the popular lexicon, I had decided that I would not be bringing a child into this world. At that time my rationale was, “one less mouth to feed.” Under current conditions, perhaps a more appropriate mantra would be, “one less mouth that breathes.”

So do your part to save our world: recycle; use energy-wise light bulbs; and have yourself fixed. Your planet will thank you.

Safe Sex for Squirrels

In Santa Monica, California, officials are going to try to stem the rampant breeding of squirrels in Palisades Park by injecting them with an immuno-contraceptive vaccine which will stunt their sexual development.

Apparently, this unchecked propagation has led to massive overcrowding in tree dwellings (“tree slums” as one witness describes the situation); a rapid rise in RTD’s (Rodentially Transmitted Diseases); and a serious increase in rodent-on-rodent crime. A senior city official (who wishes to remain nameless) is quoted as saying, “your nuts just aren’t safe anymore”.

While some animal activists might claim this forced contraception violates the civil rights of the squirrels, it is hoped that without the added burden of child rearing, squirrels will be able to focus their energies on other things like career, philosophy, and the arts. Who knows, we could be at the doorstep of a squirrel renaissance period (short-lived since there won’t be any future generations of squirrels to carry on the trend).

It's Hope's Round...

Hope is indeed a shifty fellow. He presents his hand, with smiles of comfort and whispers of promise. Then, when you need him most, you find he’s just nipped out to the toilet. You’re left alone at the bar with nothing to do but await his return. And guess who has to pay for the drinks…

The truth is a bitter pill...

We all have skeletons.

Some are so grisly as to scupper any chance at a normal life. Some so awful you will be shunned from your village without a second thought.

So I feel it’s best to come clean about mine before it’s too late; before The Lone Monkey finds fame and fortune and those who seek to destroy him trundle out this ugly fact for their own nefarious means.

There is no easy way to put this so I’ll just say it: I watch American Idol.

I’m not proud of it but it’s true. I avoided it all year last year but this year I stumbled on the early elimination rounds to get to the final 32. That is where you start to get a feel for the contestants and where you are the most vulnerable to their personal sob stories. So I'm hooked until the end.

But without turning this into an A.I. intensive blog, I just want to say that I have my favourite (Lakisha is one powerhouse, baby!) and I hope she makes it. By the way: what’s the deal with Sanjaya?!?! He’s so drippy and wispy, both in voice and stage presence. I think people are voting for his hair.

I will now go away and follow the rest of the season, at peace with my shame.